Monday, December 28, 2020

#48: The Silly Villanelle

I hope you never ask me to leave
The memory of this night, or your hand on mine,
And the little lies we have dared to believe.

Maybe your words and my faith deceive
The cynicism we work so hard to align,
And the fear that will soon ask me to leave.

Will you feel my absence, I wonder, or grieve
The emptinesses of space and futility of line
In the syntax of the lies we dare to believe.

Concoctions that arms and legs in tandem weave
To stop and slow the sands of passing time
Have now slowed, in time for me to leave.

The distances that separate us may cleave
Desire and halt hope and show us no sign
Of horizons that lie beyond what we believe.

May my hope find its home on the eave
Of possibilities- may your kisses live on my spine
For long enough for me to not leave
All that lies between our breaths to believe. 





Friday, December 18, 2020

#47: Abadan

Somewhere in the day I found two terrible things:

The first, that the word for never and always is
The same, the exact same, in Farsi, in Arabic.
I never/always forgot how your hands felt
This never/always brings memories I didn't know I had
You never/always remembered best
How to forget,
I never/always forgot the lies,
So the truths taste sweeter.

The second, as I played with nothingness and eternity,
Was the word, your word, the sodden,
Silly, splendidly sappy name that
I had lost, because time is kind like that;
I found it today, because I needed to learn another-
Zemblanity, the opposite of serendipity-
To put a name to the inky depths our
Pasts have heavily sunken into.

I have always/never fled from
The deadweight cinderblocks of remembering.
I apologize for my merciful forgetfulness
That blurs your smile in my mind,
And hope you never/always remember
The word that isn't ours anymore.




Monday, December 14, 2020

#46: Insurances

It will happen one of these days.
You will sit at an old table, meant
For more people, bent 
In wrought iron the way she'd liked.
Except that she isn't here,
And you overcooked the eggs 
And your coffee is warmer than blood and bitterer than bile.

And I will sit across from you,
The fruits whose bitter pips you forgot to spit.

Remember when we used to talk about
The end of morality and why capitalism
Always wins and how wars are quieter now?
This house is quieter, now.

You talk of taxes and subsidies and 
Heirless shop closures.
An inheritance of emptinesses
A legacy of voids I have always rushed
To fill, to feel some sense of
Having mattered. We mutter 
Of the hurt we are too tired to take.

Maybe I don't live 
Vicariously anymore, through your stories
About heroin and the 80s and
Eric Clapton singing for his dead kid.
I drive to work and buy milk
And worry about taxes and
Ask you what to do. 
You always know what to do.

And you pick up a paper,
And ask me to sign.
Just in case, you say.
And turn the page. 

Sunday, December 13, 2020

#45: Leaving Your City

in the last minutes of the near-done day, 
we tie knots in the strings of borrowed time.
if you'd asked me to fall over the edge
of your words i probably would have.
it's probably why you wouldn't ask.

you wait for our photograph to blur
a little, for a lazier focus, for 
a little less exposure. 

i wait for my crime to be caught, my
stolen minutes to be found, unfurled,
let loose into merciful forgetting.

we wait for the warm flush
of love to leave, to heave
another sigh, then bid goodbye.

Monday, December 7, 2020

#44: Sestina to the State

Ten days have passed, and yet the wave
You tried to stem continues to grow.
Undefeated by water, wounds or words,
They trudge on, lifting soil-hardened hands
Together: does Lok Kalyan Marg hear them roar,
Or is it enshrined still in the silence you seek?

Do you fear, sir, the price of what your people seek?
The questions they ask cannot now be waved
Away, or drowned by your propaganda machines' roar.
Direst apologies, sir, for the dissent that grows,
For the milling masses that refuse to kiss your hand-
But "give us our rights" aren't dirty words.

Do you dread the weight of the words
That unwavering voices continue to seek?
You thrust batons and gas shells into hands
That cannot clutch at the crest of this wave.
Is your kisaan only worth what he grows?
In the face of travesty, sir, even the meekest roar.

Uninformed rebels, your primetime mouthpieces roar,
Separatists, your legion spreads the sneaky word.
When, sir, will your famously broad chest grow
A conscience, or compunction? As you squabble and seek
Malformed agenda to turn this tidal wave,
Your subverts offer love and langar with folded hands.

You witness spectacles and clap your hands,
Even as whispers twist into a resounding roar;
Smile, sir, nod and give the screen a wave,
And insist you can never hear a dissident word.
The broadcast, of course, will never seek
To let this foolish antinationalism grow.

Sooner or later, sir, you'll find, people outgrow
The tridents of hate you place in their hands,
And instead they begin to dare and seek
Explanations, with impunity and furore.
I hope, sir, your speeches have enough words
To keep you from capsizing in the next wave.

As we grow together and stage an uproar
We join hands and words, we come together
Seeking succour, we wave at you. Inquilaab.




Friday, November 27, 2020

#43: This Be The Villanelle

Let's talk about loneliness tonight.
We talked about love for the hundredth time,
And you listened, just to be polite.

Look at this lost lover's plight,
Desolate in the triviality of his rhyme;
Let's talk about loneliness tonight.

Words never soothe what fears incite,
And my tedious litany is my biggest crime-
And yet you listened, just to be polite.

Stay a while, so I don't lose sight
Of the ticking clock and passing time,
Stay up talking about loneliness tonight.

We can say nothing, or just make light
Of my hope, and your fatalism. I'm
Still glad you listened, just to be polite.

You can ask if our solitudes might
Spare us some of their borrowed time
So we could talk of loneliness tonight,
And you could listen, just to be polite.

Thursday, November 19, 2020

#42: The Idiot Ghazal

Years from now, when toothless love will no longer have stayed with me, 
I will smile back at how you almost had once strayed with me.

We could promise each other only the hands of the clock;
Will our hours that remain within still fade with me?

If your cynicism happened to cross my hope on the street,
I wonder if it would stop to have prayed with me.

Between your will to leave, and mine to remain,
Did you also sometimes feel afraid with me?

Reason beckons and bends even the straitest of fates-
I hope you are glad yours wasn't made with me.

I suspect we were each others' best kept secrets.
Did you also feel your hardest resolve being swayed with me?

I can turn and twist the ropes of shared minutes all day;
Forgive me if your time appears to have frayed with me.

My cupful of regret runs relentlessly over now.
The heavy ifs of our other lives stay weighed with me.

How Radhikaa mopes around, a child who lost her reflection.
Let her know, nobody stays to read her tirade with me.