In Search Of Happiness

I look all around me,
I search for an uncertain something.
Feeling discontent, never free,
A lack of something, an unknown nagging.

I see peple- oh! so content,
Without any sorrow, no pain pent.
I see, I wonder, I feel confused-
'Why am I unhappy?' I mused.

I tried, hard and long,
To stay happy, keep faith alive.
I tried hard, to remain strong,
In all those times of life's strive.

I failed, failed miserably,
I just wasn't right all the way along.
But I was still confused, still couldn't see-
Where did I go wrong?

I feel discontent, I feel distraught,
I understand not this emptiness.
What do I seek? What had I sought?-
My feelings are an entangled mess.

I have everything, all that I need,
Yet, I feel so lonely,
Inside, all alone, I bleed,
I feel I just don't know me.

I have no sorrow to mourn:
Have no wound to wail.
Still happiness is an enemy sworn-
To achieve it, I still fail.

I am frustrated-
'Why am I not happy?' I say.
'My problems are self-created,
Yet happiness comes for a moment- never here to stay.'

Suddenly, Inner Voice-Consience- spake-
'What are you looking for?
The content you seek is at your stake-
For happiness, you yourself abhor.

You searched the world, you turned a dunce,
For what was with you all the time.
Look inside, search your own self once,
And you will find happiness divine.

The Neverending Wait

Oh! It feels like hell,
Like I can't stop sinking down.
You knew, you knew how I fell,
In the circus of life, you made me the clown.

Oh! It feels like I am here
Deteriorating into nothingness each moment:
I need you close, I want you near,
But you never knew what I actually meant.

Oh! It feels like I am almost dead,
With a flutter of breath only you can revive.
But you never heard what I said,
You can never really turn me alive.

I stand here, with my arms outstretched to you,
If you don't catch me, I really can't stop.
But you, you never really had a clue,
I know you'll just let me drop.

I wait so long, so much,
For his dreadful curse to lift.
I wait for your healing touch, But you just let me drift.

I am screaming out for my life-
You just don't seem to know.
This cut of emotions slices me,
But emotions, you have none to show.

We are so close, yet miles apart,
You've suddenly gone so far away.
You metamorphosed, you lost your heart,
And yet, I want you to stay.

What we shared was so true,
But now it seems to be ages back.
You are stillwith me, I am still here,
But there's a certain something we lack.

You don't notice, you don't care,
What is happening, you just don't see.
You give me a listless stare,
And I know you look straight through me.

It's gone forever now,
It's been just a bit too late.
Can't tell till when, don't know why,
But I'm waiting a never-ending wait

I Chose Life

I have been walking
And walking continuously,
Unknown of destination, the end,
Wherever that may be.

My flask’s half empty,
The food’s perished long ago.
A ragged outline, a disheartened soul,
Even determination runs low.

The path is twisted, and narrow, and steep,
But on and on, I have to go.
A sorry figure, all alone,
With heavy burdens to tow.

I watch enviously as people pass by,
People with greater determination.
People with near ones to lean on to,
Not shunning their love, as I have had to shun.

Not infrequently I am tempted
To the green Meadows on both sides;
There are clothes, and food, and water,
But nothing much else besides.

For they are the Meadows of Death
Where you are redeemed of all strife.
But where you are also lost, a nobody,
That is why, I chose life.

‘Cause I have a thirst to prove,
to prove them all wrong.
Success will be mine someday,
And that won’t take too long.

But it’s irresistible, the delicious food,
When hunger stabs like a knife.
So easy to be down in the meadows,
But, being the fool I am, I chose life.

For I feel it is an illusion, those Meadows,
This here is the real thing.
With hunger, and thirst, and pain,
And other miseries it will bring.

So I will walk on as far as I can,
Then go off to the Meadows,
I’ll do what I can, do it best
And then forever, lie low.

But a lot of things are yet undone,
A lot of deeds to do, under the sun.
Many more days on the edge of the knife,
Because I chose life…….

Living For Tomorrow

Helplessly hoping and dreaming
Of a better day on the other side.
Optimism is now exhausted,
At my misery, even misery cried.

Bear it all, it’s nothing much,
I told myself again and again.
But now I see the bitter truth,
Is the wait worth the pain?

Still, I continue drudging along,
No other way to go.
Along the long road, self-reminding constantly,
I’m living for tomorrow.

Hope has long deserted me,
Faith is now just a lie.
But determination still survives
The test of time-it still won’t let me die.

For long is the road, and tough is the test,
Of patience and perseverance.
The light of hope, now forgotten,
The clouds of despair, always dense.

Still, I fight my way out,
Even though energy runs low.
Dragging along the weight in my mind,
I’m living for tomorrow.

The carefree days of laughter and joy,
Now gone, lost for all time.
Looking up at Heavens I wonder
At this so unjustified a rhyme.

‘Cause it’s now difficult to recall
All the innocent days of my life.
The only thing I now know
Are all these days of never-ending strife.

I still sometimes betray myself with hopes
Of a rising sun in a distant land- Though
Disheveled and heartbroken,
Yes, I’m living for tomorrow.

For my faith in myself is yet to die out,
Even though I have huge burdens to heave.
I still believe in that Inner Voice,
I still want to believe.

I know not where I am headed to:
To some far-off place from here?
The start forgotten, the end unknown,
And the way full of terror and fear.

Still, I tug at my feet and resume
A journey whose end I do not know.
Yet willed on by some unknown strength,
I’m living for tomorrow.

For life often takes, and seldom gives,
It tends to break those who do not bow.
Yet, I live on, searching my way,
I continue living for tomorrow.

Dying To Live

Darkness surrounds me
As I drown in the sea of the living dead.
Helplessly I continue to see
All those people-how they bled!

I tried ceaselessly to help,
Their pain, I made my own.
I still was unable to succeed
I still continued battling all alone.

I still do not know when
The metamorphosis, the change happened.
The bubble of love and hope burst forever.
Life suddenly got lost, the strong will finally bent.

I became one of them all,
The open eyes, still unseeing.
Waiting for a miracle to make a call
I live still, a breathing, yet dead being.

But miracles are myths, my friend,
There is no way out of this endless vacuum.
This is the start, here is the end,
I know I’m eternally sentenced to unending doom.

Yet I know, I’ve learnt this,
Life has much to take, yet nothing to give.
I lay in the coma of numbness,
Forever, dying to live.