#2

"I cut a sorry figure,"
He thought, walking away,
Leaving behind the smell of her
In the sweet demise of the day.

Always too weary to care,
He dragged his body through the night,
Ignoring the incessant ignoble stare
Of soulless sight, born of dim desperate light.

fumbled for keys, dropped them to the floor.
picked them with shaky hands, unlocked the door.

and stepped into the cold expectant shade
of the sanctuary of mindless servitude that he'd made.

The bare walls still accused him,
The lighter patches of paint want their hangings back.
The bowler, the fedora, the wide-brim
Are no more there, but just shadows on the rack.

The nude floor felt chill against his skin
(He'd sold the carpets too, when the need was bad.)
Pawning was okay, 'coz stealing is Sin,
But he'd long ago sold all that he had ever had.

went back again, bolted the latch.
stripped off his clothes, chuckled "Now we match."

fumbled in pocket, brought out the Bag.
sniffed it deeply, let his shoulders sag.

He'd tried hard, again and again,
Till he broke himself on the rocks of misery.
A shiver racked his spine, worse than pain;
Drear realisation: "I'll never be free."

Through Sweat and Chills and Madness
He found Water, and Needle, and Fire.
Weak is the mind, weaker is the flesh-
Always allured by all-consuming Desire.

sitting, humming, "Hello, cold turk, my old friend,
we've come a long way, here's the end."

watching Water boil, pouring Packet in.
fumbling again in coat, for the tiny sip of gin.

He looked down
At the veins, streaked blue, green and shame,
The telltale pinpoint scars, the druggie's crown
Made of white Snow and Futility and Flame.

Everything was done, and so was he-
Empty man in empty room of void shadow.
He looked down in morbid melancholy
Leisurely life well-wasted, but no Keepsake for the Show.

sighed a little
    and plunged the needle
sighed some more
    all thought turned null.

looked for a memory, tried to cry
or move a bit, or laugh, or sigh.

NOTHING but potent ecstasy,
NOTHING but an endless fall.
      nothing to hold on to, nothing to lose
      nothing to try to live for at all.