Lookin back now,
At the long days and nights.
At the end of the road, I turn back
To look at the now-fading sights.
The start was but natural; the end, inevitable.
Good things come to an end, but so do the bad.
The twisted journey blissfully ends,
The termination is redemption of the burdens I have.
The soul reaches out, embraces death.
Eagerly awaiting the end of endless strife.
The body, cursed to survival instinct,
Damns me back, again to life.
There I was, standing in a no-man's land,
Stranded between life and death.
The body wants one, the soul craves the other,
Confused, I creep back with guilty stealth.
The harsh reality of life came crashing back,
Cruelly awakening me from the dreams of bliss.
In the world of the abstract, I had forgotten
How determination fell, how I found no way to face this.
The body is weary, it's given up.
The mind stales and stagnates.
The soul, freed of pain, joyously
Goes through the beckoning gates.
Yet, I have lost a lot on the way.
Freedom always has a price to pay.
Death is freedom, but freedom is dead:
An eternally devoid feeling, here to stay.
Freedom gives, but takes a lot too;
You are unfeeling, yet bleed and burn.
You wait forever, for a miracle to come by,
But death- it is a point of no return.
Radhikaa Sharma
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Saturday, September 13, 2008
On The Darker Side... Darkly
Thinking of the many facets of life each day,
Profoundly shallow, bewilderingly simple.
Thinking of emotions torn, of dreams shattered,
Of the incessant feelings repressed.
Thinking about the ever-transforming human nature:
Ever-adjusting, ever-adapting.
Thinking of that unshakeable instinct to survive,
To bend with the wind, but not to break.
Thinking of the strength to ride out every storm,
To smother the cry of tribulation with a joyous memory.
Thinking of the many unwept tears-
Of the heartache veiled by the deceptive smile.
Thinking of the detached examination of old sentiment,
Of the pain and anguish, dulled by time.
Thinking of the now-dead screams from hell,
Of the terror of the unknown, the fear of the dogging shadow.
Thinking of the people from the past:the ghosts of today
Of the long walks down the memory lane.
Thinking of estranged psyche nudging the mind,
Of the conscience tugging at the prudence of the intellect.
Thinking of the unthought-of crimes later regretted,
Of the small things savoured, the little joys treasured.
Thinking of the unworldly happening amidst the mundane,
Of the moments of tranquility enveloped in chaos.
Thinking of the last-minute yet life-lasting decisions,
Of the other possibilities on the greener side.
Thinking of people lost, of relations squandered,
Of the long colloquies, renewed in remembrance.
Thinking of the satisfaction in banal repletion,
Of the routine, grateful to be shattered by the extraordinary.
Thinking of the betrayal of the second self,
Of the disloyalty bred in inner reliance.
Thinking of the thwart of belief and trust,
Of the outright revelations of gross human infidelity.
Thinking of the sweet taste of revenge,
Of the inhuman satisfaction in human cruelty.
Thinking of the joy of loneliness,
Of the desperate run to desolation.
Thinking of the dwindling of desire to acceptance:
Acceptance of situation, born out of habit.
Thinking of the sudden spurt of rebel of heart,
Of the will to change the way, to lead to the light.
Thinking of the lastingly lucid warmth of love,
Of the charm of the smiling silence.
Thinking of the many facets of life each day,
Of living the truly eternal lie.
Thinking of the many manifestations of the soul,
Of life on the darker side...... darkly.
Profoundly shallow, bewilderingly simple.
Thinking of emotions torn, of dreams shattered,
Of the incessant feelings repressed.
Thinking about the ever-transforming human nature:
Ever-adjusting, ever-adapting.
Thinking of that unshakeable instinct to survive,
To bend with the wind, but not to break.
Thinking of the strength to ride out every storm,
To smother the cry of tribulation with a joyous memory.
Thinking of the many unwept tears-
Of the heartache veiled by the deceptive smile.
Thinking of the detached examination of old sentiment,
Of the pain and anguish, dulled by time.
Thinking of the now-dead screams from hell,
Of the terror of the unknown, the fear of the dogging shadow.
Thinking of the people from the past:the ghosts of today
Of the long walks down the memory lane.
Thinking of estranged psyche nudging the mind,
Of the conscience tugging at the prudence of the intellect.
Thinking of the unthought-of crimes later regretted,
Of the small things savoured, the little joys treasured.
Thinking of the unworldly happening amidst the mundane,
Of the moments of tranquility enveloped in chaos.
Thinking of the last-minute yet life-lasting decisions,
Of the other possibilities on the greener side.
Thinking of people lost, of relations squandered,
Of the long colloquies, renewed in remembrance.
Thinking of the satisfaction in banal repletion,
Of the routine, grateful to be shattered by the extraordinary.
Thinking of the betrayal of the second self,
Of the disloyalty bred in inner reliance.
Thinking of the thwart of belief and trust,
Of the outright revelations of gross human infidelity.
Thinking of the sweet taste of revenge,
Of the inhuman satisfaction in human cruelty.
Thinking of the joy of loneliness,
Of the desperate run to desolation.
Thinking of the dwindling of desire to acceptance:
Acceptance of situation, born out of habit.
Thinking of the sudden spurt of rebel of heart,
Of the will to change the way, to lead to the light.
Thinking of the lastingly lucid warmth of love,
Of the charm of the smiling silence.
Thinking of the many facets of life each day,
Of living the truly eternal lie.
Thinking of the many manifestations of the soul,
Of life on the darker side...... darkly.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
In Search Of Happiness
I look all around me,
I search for an uncertain something.
Feeling discontent, never free,
A lack of something, an unknown nagging.
I see peple- oh! so content,
Without any sorrow, no pain pent.
I see, I wonder, I feel confused-
'Why am I unhappy?' I mused.
I tried, hard and long,
To stay happy, keep faith alive.
I tried hard, to remain strong,
In all those times of life's strive.
I failed, failed miserably,
I just wasn't right all the way along.
But I was still confused, still couldn't see-
Where did I go wrong?
I feel discontent, I feel distraught,
I understand not this emptiness.
What do I seek? What had I sought?-
My feelings are an entangled mess.
I have everything, all that I need,
Yet, I feel so lonely,
Inside, all alone, I bleed,
I feel I just don't know me.
I have no sorrow to mourn:
Have no wound to wail.
Still happiness is an enemy sworn-
To achieve it, I still fail.
I am frustrated-
'Why am I not happy?' I say.
'My problems are self-created,
Yet happiness comes for a moment- never here to stay.'
Suddenly, Inner Voice-Consience- spake-
'What are you looking for?
The content you seek is at your stake-
For happiness, you yourself abhor.
You searched the world, you turned a dunce,
For what was with you all the time.
Look inside, search your own self once,
And you will find happiness divine.
I search for an uncertain something.
Feeling discontent, never free,
A lack of something, an unknown nagging.
I see peple- oh! so content,
Without any sorrow, no pain pent.
I see, I wonder, I feel confused-
'Why am I unhappy?' I mused.
I tried, hard and long,
To stay happy, keep faith alive.
I tried hard, to remain strong,
In all those times of life's strive.
I failed, failed miserably,
I just wasn't right all the way along.
But I was still confused, still couldn't see-
Where did I go wrong?
I feel discontent, I feel distraught,
I understand not this emptiness.
What do I seek? What had I sought?-
My feelings are an entangled mess.
I have everything, all that I need,
Yet, I feel so lonely,
Inside, all alone, I bleed,
I feel I just don't know me.
I have no sorrow to mourn:
Have no wound to wail.
Still happiness is an enemy sworn-
To achieve it, I still fail.
I am frustrated-
'Why am I not happy?' I say.
'My problems are self-created,
Yet happiness comes for a moment- never here to stay.'
Suddenly, Inner Voice-Consience- spake-
'What are you looking for?
The content you seek is at your stake-
For happiness, you yourself abhor.
You searched the world, you turned a dunce,
For what was with you all the time.
Look inside, search your own self once,
And you will find happiness divine.
The Neverending Wait
Oh! It feels like hell,
Like I can't stop sinking down.
You knew, you knew how I fell,
In the circus of life, you made me the clown.
Oh! It feels like I am here
Deteriorating into nothingness each moment:
I need you close, I want you near,
But you never knew what I actually meant.
Oh! It feels like I am almost dead,
With a flutter of breath only you can revive.
But you never heard what I said,
You can never really turn me alive.
I stand here, with my arms outstretched to you,
If you don't catch me, I really can't stop.
But you, you never really had a clue,
I know you'll just let me drop.
I wait so long, so much,
For his dreadful curse to lift.
I wait for your healing touch, But you just let me drift.
I am screaming out for my life-
You just don't seem to know.
This cut of emotions slices me,
But emotions, you have none to show.
We are so close, yet miles apart,
You've suddenly gone so far away.
You metamorphosed, you lost your heart,
And yet, I want you to stay.
What we shared was so true,
But now it seems to be ages back.
You are stillwith me, I am still here,
But there's a certain something we lack.
You don't notice, you don't care,
What is happening, you just don't see.
You give me a listless stare,
And I know you look straight through me.
It's gone forever now,
It's been just a bit too late.
Can't tell till when, don't know why,
But I'm waiting a never-ending wait
Like I can't stop sinking down.
You knew, you knew how I fell,
In the circus of life, you made me the clown.
Oh! It feels like I am here
Deteriorating into nothingness each moment:
I need you close, I want you near,
But you never knew what I actually meant.
Oh! It feels like I am almost dead,
With a flutter of breath only you can revive.
But you never heard what I said,
You can never really turn me alive.
I stand here, with my arms outstretched to you,
If you don't catch me, I really can't stop.
But you, you never really had a clue,
I know you'll just let me drop.
I wait so long, so much,
For his dreadful curse to lift.
I wait for your healing touch, But you just let me drift.
I am screaming out for my life-
You just don't seem to know.
This cut of emotions slices me,
But emotions, you have none to show.
We are so close, yet miles apart,
You've suddenly gone so far away.
You metamorphosed, you lost your heart,
And yet, I want you to stay.
What we shared was so true,
But now it seems to be ages back.
You are stillwith me, I am still here,
But there's a certain something we lack.
You don't notice, you don't care,
What is happening, you just don't see.
You give me a listless stare,
And I know you look straight through me.
It's gone forever now,
It's been just a bit too late.
Can't tell till when, don't know why,
But I'm waiting a never-ending wait
I Chose Life
I have been walking
And walking continuously,
Unknown of destination, the end,
Wherever that may be.
My flask’s half empty,
The food’s perished long ago.
A ragged outline, a disheartened soul,
Even determination runs low.
The path is twisted, and narrow, and steep,
But on and on, I have to go.
A sorry figure, all alone,
With heavy burdens to tow.
I watch enviously as people pass by,
People with greater determination.
People with near ones to lean on to,
Not shunning their love, as I have had to shun.
Not infrequently I am tempted
To the green Meadows on both sides;
There are clothes, and food, and water,
But nothing much else besides.
For they are the Meadows of Death
Where you are redeemed of all strife.
But where you are also lost, a nobody,
That is why, I chose life.
‘Cause I have a thirst to prove,
to prove them all wrong.
Success will be mine someday,
And that won’t take too long.
But it’s irresistible, the delicious food,
When hunger stabs like a knife.
So easy to be down in the meadows,
But, being the fool I am, I chose life.
For I feel it is an illusion, those Meadows,
This here is the real thing.
With hunger, and thirst, and pain,
And other miseries it will bring.
So I will walk on as far as I can,
Then go off to the Meadows,
I’ll do what I can, do it best
And then forever, lie low.
But a lot of things are yet undone,
A lot of deeds to do, under the sun.
Many more days on the edge of the knife,
Because I chose life…….
And walking continuously,
Unknown of destination, the end,
Wherever that may be.
My flask’s half empty,
The food’s perished long ago.
A ragged outline, a disheartened soul,
Even determination runs low.
The path is twisted, and narrow, and steep,
But on and on, I have to go.
A sorry figure, all alone,
With heavy burdens to tow.
I watch enviously as people pass by,
People with greater determination.
People with near ones to lean on to,
Not shunning their love, as I have had to shun.
Not infrequently I am tempted
To the green Meadows on both sides;
There are clothes, and food, and water,
But nothing much else besides.
For they are the Meadows of Death
Where you are redeemed of all strife.
But where you are also lost, a nobody,
That is why, I chose life.
‘Cause I have a thirst to prove,
to prove them all wrong.
Success will be mine someday,
And that won’t take too long.
But it’s irresistible, the delicious food,
When hunger stabs like a knife.
So easy to be down in the meadows,
But, being the fool I am, I chose life.
For I feel it is an illusion, those Meadows,
This here is the real thing.
With hunger, and thirst, and pain,
And other miseries it will bring.
So I will walk on as far as I can,
Then go off to the Meadows,
I’ll do what I can, do it best
And then forever, lie low.
But a lot of things are yet undone,
A lot of deeds to do, under the sun.
Many more days on the edge of the knife,
Because I chose life…….
Living For Tomorrow
Helplessly hoping and dreaming
Of a better day on the other side.
Optimism is now exhausted,
At my misery, even misery cried.
Bear it all, it’s nothing much,
I told myself again and again.
But now I see the bitter truth,
Is the wait worth the pain?
Still, I continue drudging along,
No other way to go.
Along the long road, self-reminding constantly,
I’m living for tomorrow.
Hope has long deserted me,
Faith is now just a lie.
But determination still survives
The test of time-it still won’t let me die.
For long is the road, and tough is the test,
Of patience and perseverance.
The light of hope, now forgotten,
The clouds of despair, always dense.
Still, I fight my way out,
Even though energy runs low.
Dragging along the weight in my mind,
I’m living for tomorrow.
The carefree days of laughter and joy,
Now gone, lost for all time.
Looking up at Heavens I wonder
At this so unjustified a rhyme.
‘Cause it’s now difficult to recall
All the innocent days of my life.
The only thing I now know
Are all these days of never-ending strife.
I still sometimes betray myself with hopes
Of a rising sun in a distant land- Though
Disheveled and heartbroken,
Yes, I’m living for tomorrow.
For my faith in myself is yet to die out,
Even though I have huge burdens to heave.
I still believe in that Inner Voice,
I still want to believe.
I know not where I am headed to:
To some far-off place from here?
The start forgotten, the end unknown,
And the way full of terror and fear.
Still, I tug at my feet and resume
A journey whose end I do not know.
Yet willed on by some unknown strength,
I’m living for tomorrow.
For life often takes, and seldom gives,
It tends to break those who do not bow.
Yet, I live on, searching my way,
I continue living for tomorrow.
Of a better day on the other side.
Optimism is now exhausted,
At my misery, even misery cried.
Bear it all, it’s nothing much,
I told myself again and again.
But now I see the bitter truth,
Is the wait worth the pain?
Still, I continue drudging along,
No other way to go.
Along the long road, self-reminding constantly,
I’m living for tomorrow.
Hope has long deserted me,
Faith is now just a lie.
But determination still survives
The test of time-it still won’t let me die.
For long is the road, and tough is the test,
Of patience and perseverance.
The light of hope, now forgotten,
The clouds of despair, always dense.
Still, I fight my way out,
Even though energy runs low.
Dragging along the weight in my mind,
I’m living for tomorrow.
The carefree days of laughter and joy,
Now gone, lost for all time.
Looking up at Heavens I wonder
At this so unjustified a rhyme.
‘Cause it’s now difficult to recall
All the innocent days of my life.
The only thing I now know
Are all these days of never-ending strife.
I still sometimes betray myself with hopes
Of a rising sun in a distant land- Though
Disheveled and heartbroken,
Yes, I’m living for tomorrow.
For my faith in myself is yet to die out,
Even though I have huge burdens to heave.
I still believe in that Inner Voice,
I still want to believe.
I know not where I am headed to:
To some far-off place from here?
The start forgotten, the end unknown,
And the way full of terror and fear.
Still, I tug at my feet and resume
A journey whose end I do not know.
Yet willed on by some unknown strength,
I’m living for tomorrow.
For life often takes, and seldom gives,
It tends to break those who do not bow.
Yet, I live on, searching my way,
I continue living for tomorrow.
Dying To Live
Darkness surrounds me
As I drown in the sea of the living dead.
Helplessly I continue to see
All those people-how they bled!
I tried ceaselessly to help,
Their pain, I made my own.
I still was unable to succeed
I still continued battling all alone.
I still do not know when
The metamorphosis, the change happened.
The bubble of love and hope burst forever.
Life suddenly got lost, the strong will finally bent.
I became one of them all,
The open eyes, still unseeing.
Waiting for a miracle to make a call
I live still, a breathing, yet dead being.
But miracles are myths, my friend,
There is no way out of this endless vacuum.
This is the start, here is the end,
I know I’m eternally sentenced to unending doom.
Yet I know, I’ve learnt this,
Life has much to take, yet nothing to give.
I lay in the coma of numbness,
Forever, dying to live.
As I drown in the sea of the living dead.
Helplessly I continue to see
All those people-how they bled!
I tried ceaselessly to help,
Their pain, I made my own.
I still was unable to succeed
I still continued battling all alone.
I still do not know when
The metamorphosis, the change happened.
The bubble of love and hope burst forever.
Life suddenly got lost, the strong will finally bent.
I became one of them all,
The open eyes, still unseeing.
Waiting for a miracle to make a call
I live still, a breathing, yet dead being.
But miracles are myths, my friend,
There is no way out of this endless vacuum.
This is the start, here is the end,
I know I’m eternally sentenced to unending doom.
Yet I know, I’ve learnt this,
Life has much to take, yet nothing to give.
I lay in the coma of numbness,
Forever, dying to live.
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